


(I hope) this chest pain is my love for you

by Kai_Lu



Series: Crystalline Lilac [1]
Category: Magic Kaito, 名探偵コナン | Detective Conan | Case Closed
Genre: Bad Flirting, Bad Pick-Up Lines, Blood and Injury, Confused Kuroba Kaito | Kaitou Kid, Lyrical writing ???? according to my english teacher, M/M, Post-Black Organization Takedown, Post-Conan Kudou Shinichi, Slight mention of Aoko, Stupid meme reference, Unreliable Narrator, also, also the medical knowledge in here is half-assed please don't sue me, also this is a mess, but i never bothered mentioning it, but my C- on my chem quiz says otherwise, but nothing graphic i swear, he is delirious from blood loss, he knows I write fanfiction oh god....., i need to sleep, im proud of the chemistry knowledge tho, kaishin - Freeform, this was inspired by KrisseyCrystal (AisukuriMuStudio)'s Pretty Foward
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-09
Updated: 2019-05-09
Packaged: 2020-02-29 00:55:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18767878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kai_Lu/pseuds/Kai_Lu
Summary: “Will you stop flirting with me you just got seriously injured and I’m the EMT trying to tend to your wounds in the ambulance, I don’t give a fuck that I look cute when I’m concerned, you’re lucky you’re not dead you dipshit” AU, but a tad milder.





	(I hope) this chest pain is my love for you

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Pretty Forward](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11544795) by [KrisseyCrystal (AisukuriMuStudio)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AisukuriMuStudio/pseuds/KrisseyCrystal). 



> I wrote this instead of my SOR assignment so it's really rushed. Also, all of the medical knowledge thrown in here is half-assed googling and assumptions. But if there are some outstanding errors, please feel free to let me know so I can fix them. Or any other errors in general.  
> Anyway, please enjoy :)

Kaito swore on Houdini’s grave that he was not usually this distrait.

There were plenty of instances where he was capable of demonstrating his awareness of the things going around him. The prime example being Aoko attempting to permanently send him a one way trip to the hospital as he danced away on the desks of his irked classmates, humming a rendition of Bohemian Rhapsody.

But speaking of hospitals, “Hey, why is the ceiling moving?” Kaito slurred.

His reply was a sigh that could have been either humoured or exasperated.

Never mind Aoko’s threats of delivering him straight to the hospital in a finny-thing themed shoebox. Kaito was able to be one step ahead and managed to hitch his own ride there in the form of a casualty in a road accident.

So, it came to be a great shock when he managed to get himself caught in a traffic accident. Practically colliding with a car whilst valiantly swooping to the rescue of a toddler who had managed to escape their mother and wander onto the busy street of Shibuya.

This had the obvious result of Kaito full on French-kissing the tarmac, and receiving several injuries – those leading him to bleed all over said tarmac that he had just violated. Luckily the child bore no grievous injuries, only some mild scratches and potential budding trauma of cars. Maybe the mother could invest in some therapy, for herself and the kid, and a better child leash.

(Kaito swore he had a catalogue of the latest child leashes, hidden away in the depths of his _organised_ mess of a room. After all, a child like Tantei-kun is an _absolute_ nightmare and his nee-chan looked like she definitely needed one, or maybe two. Well, that is till Tantei-kun decided it was his time to go and boarded the first plane back to America. Though in actuality, his little chemist friend had finally concocted a cure for his sudden decline in height, and little Tantei-kun had to vanish before his lovely former self could return to the stage once again.)

“Sir, can you please tell me your name?”

Kaito blinked and groaned, turning on the gurney that he found to be surprisingly uncomfortable – damn K-dramas, always making reality better than what it truly seemed. He tried to find the source of the voice, which shouldn’t be too hard considering that he, having just registered, was now in an ambulance.

“Sir?”

Flinching at the pain from his throbbing back, Kaito scanned his surrounds; taking in the sight of a heart monitor next to his head, it’s incessant beeping being both a blessing and a curse, and the various cords that emerged from the shelf on his left. But looking once more to his right, what he finally found were two imposing sapphire orbs staring back at him with the utmost concern.

“Sir. Can you please respond?”

Nonsensically, Kaito giggled, “I didn’t know Shibuya had an upcoming jewel display.”

There, dressed in official garb of space blue, sat a very familiar person.

“Meitantei.”

The addressed only raised an eyebrow and reached for their clipboard, a frown now settled on their face but their eyes were less agitated than before. “If you are seemingly well enough to mess around, then maybe I should ask Shino-san to drop you off at the nearest bus stop, Kid.”

Kaito pouted, and despite his body aching all over, let out a dramatic whine. “How cruel! Ever since your recent return, we haven’t been able to meet up at all, and this is the first thing you say to me!? Have you no heart? Or did it vanish with your little chubby cheeks.”

Shinichi’s cheeks flared. His face now contoured in great offence at the last comment.

“We don’t talk about that.”

Grinning, Kaito raved on, “Oh but little you is so cute. You had the squishiest cheeks. It’s too bad that you had to trade those away to be hot.”

Choking, Shinichi fumbled with his clipboard, “Excuse me.”

“You’re excused, sweetie,” Kaito winked.

Shinichi’s eyebrow twitched, “Sir. Can you please tell me your name? I need to contact your family.” Professionalism now returned, Shinichi decided to look away from the blood-stained offender, and back to the machines that were currently beeping out another analysis. “Judging from the state you were prior to my care, there is most likely some form of internal bleeding. I do not want to risk further aggravating your injuries by searching your clothes.”

“But Shin-chan! We haven’t even had a follow-up date yet?”

Professionalism be _damned_ , Shinichi was ready to throw open the doors and push the gurney out onto the busy roads of Tokyo. His current bank account could probably pay for another gurney. Otherwise, there was still that offer from that shady looking building in Shinjuku.

(The employee who was attempted to recruit him appeared to be paid well – this was going off on the fact that they were wearing the latest Dolce & Gabbana ruby pendant set, which subtly contrasted with their conbini false lashes. Well, it was that or they were in a customer’s favour, or several customers if the cocktail of perfumes and colognes that clung to their uniform was an indicator.)

Unfortunately, judging from Shino-san’s pale face in the rear-view mirror, Shinichi had most likely voiced his thoughts aloud. And he bet that if he were to check the doors, it would have been most likely that the locking mechanism had been already activated.

Gritting his teeth, Shinichi turned to look at Kid in search of a reaction to the death that he had barely managed to elude. Instead, all he received was another moronic expression and a sloppy wink – which was basically a mistimed blink.

“Hey, cutie.”

With all of his years of dealing with homicide cases, Shinichi could now darkly note why the thought of murdering another individual sounded so appealing. Especially people like Kaitou Kid, who is currently undergoing internal bleeding and several external injuries.

One breath in, five counts, release.

“Sir, please tell me your name. I also need to know of any allergies that could possibly any complications to the current situation.”

The thief let out an ungentlemanly snort and theatrically rolled his eyes.

“No. But you know what else I could tell you?”

Shinichi stared, “Your name, perhaps?”

“No silly. That even though I’m no organ donor, I’d be happy to give you my heart.”

The sound of the blaring siren and of the machinery filled the silence of the ambulance. God, Shinichi had never felt this great of an urge to punt someone into the next century – maybe Hattori, but that’s debatable, the fellow detective still had his uses.

“Well, sir. It looks like I’m going to need to administer you some 2,4-Dimethyl-6-tert-butylphenol.”

“Two, four, die what now?”

A sugary sweet smile relayed an informative translation, “2,4-Dimethyl-6-tert-butylphenol, also known as propofol and advertised as DIPRIVAN in Japan, is one of the most commonly used anaesthetic agents for induction and maintenance of general anaesthesia.” The current EMT pulled at his sterile gloves, the material snapping against his flesh, and opened a draw, slowly pulling out a menacing looking syringe. “Using it in great amounts can result in common side effects such as drowsiness, nausea and death.”

Even though delirious, it seemed that Kaito was capable of understanding his stress response and was reacting accordingly. His mouth clamped shut in a thin line and a slight twitch took residence on his face. Good.

“So, sir. Could you please tell me if you have any known allergies?”

Kaito peeped out a negative and gave a terrified but polite smile. Sparing him, Shinichi began to gradually return the syringe to its initial place in the draw. He wondered when Kaito would realise that the syringe was actually a novelty mechanical pencil and that such behaviour, even if a bluff, was not allowed nor part of standard EMT procedure.

Though he couldn’t be too harsh, the idiot was currently delirious from blood loss after all - hopefully, the current IV could continue to sustain him till the hospital. However, that doesn’t mean that Shinichi would waste the chance of messing with the usually poised magician.

“Now sir, if you are not going to tell me your name. Will you at least tell me your area of residence?”

And like a switch, the terror-stricken expression was instantly replaced by a poor attempt of a suave grin. Ah shit, here we go again.

“As long as you promise me that you will stop by my bed, darling.” Kaito purred.

 “Actually, an emergency contact would be fine.”

“Oh~ You already want to meet your in-laws? How bold.”

Clipboard now obscuring his face, Shinichi continued to fill in some initial forms and ignored the flirtatious endeavours of his patient.

“Nakamori Aoko-san? I see.” Nodding as if Kaito had spoken, Shinichi continued on. “I’ll send out a call once we arrive at the hospital.”

“Wai- GEH!”

Another flash of a smile that promised eternal pain and suffering, silenced the remaining sounds that came from Kaito. Dancing around the topic, Shinichi decided to go make civil conversation with the Kaitou. They only had another couple of minutes left till they would arrive at Tokyo General.

“How’s the retirement life? Must have been pretty boring if you were desperate enough to get yourself caught up in a road accident.”

From what it seemed to be a shrug, Kaito replied, “Eh. It’s not too bad. At least now I don’t have to come up with excuses on the fly. Like to why I suspiciously own a gun that is practically identical to Kid’s.”

“Of course you do…”

“So, what’s it like being hot again?”

Shinichi blushed, “If you could please stop bringing that up. It’s fine. At least now I don’t have to worry about silly things like brace myself for girls who love to squeeze things that they find cute.”

Kaito cooed, “Well duh! When you see something that is just so cute. You just wanna hold it nice and close.” But then, the glee in his voice changed and because one that was oozed with malice, “Then you just want to squeeze. And squeeze. And squeeze till it can’t bear the amount of love you want to give it.”

Being both a mixture of shocked and slightly fearful, Shinichi blinked at the explanation, holding his silence till Kaito let out a wheezing laugh.

“Just Kidding!” Grinning at the lame pun, Kaito giggled, “You get it? Kid! In kidding!”

Speechless at the sudden shift in mood, Shinichi sighed again and nodded, choosing to give up the attempt of a conversation for sitting in contemplative silence. However, like most silences, it only lasted for so long until Kaito chose to speak up again.

“Thank you.”

Confused, Shinichi looked back at the young man.

“You know. With Snake and all. If you didn’t continue to risk your neck, I would have been a goner that night.”

Unlike the previous ditzy expressions on his face, Kaito now had an expression that could have described as appreciation. Shinichi stared in awe.

“W-wha?!” His chest filled with warm, “Idiot. What are you talking about?”

Not continuing his words, knowing that he didn’t need to and that his message of thanks was successfully conveyed, Kaito then made a pensive face.

“Hey Shin-chan, would you like to go on a date?”

Suddenly, the opening of the doors brought their conversation to a halt as several hospital personnel began to pull out the gurney. They had finally arrived at Tokyo General, and whether it was a sigh of relief or frustration, Shinichi started to relay his on route analysis to the nurses who were preparing the theatre.

“Hey, Shinichi.”

Now clearly irritated, Shinichi turned to glare at the thief who was being wheeled through the doors of the hospital. “The name’s Kuroba Kaito.” He had the _audacity_ to shoot double finger guns from beneath the stained blanket.

“Took you long enough,” a scowl adorning his face, Shinichi moved to shut the doors of the ambulance. “But I already found out whilst you were in the midst of your unnecessary flirting.”

Regardless of the fact that he was now a good several meters away, Shinichi was almost sure that Kaito was pouting from the gurney.

“And to answer your question, I would prefer you have fully recovered from your act of today’s heroics first. The date can come after.”

The widening of Kaito’s eyes was a tell-tale sign of his surprise at Shinichi’s acceptance of his proposal, either that or it was the anaesthetic that was beginning to kick in – one would never know. Shinichi only rolled his eyes and entered the passenger seat, sending a half-hearted double finger guns to Kaito, who was now being rolled into the operating room.

 

Omake

Shino, now moving away from the emergency entrance, decided that maybe he should ask for a promotion. And that it would be best for him to forget that the entire occurrence of the apparent and retired Kaitou Kid flirting with Kudou Shinichi ever happening.

The little evil voice at the back of his mind suggested selling the audio of the unique conversation to some tabloid owners. After all, people pay quite a lot for hard evidence on gossip nowadays.

Ignoring the figurative devil, he could switch to his backup plan of being an interior designer – that would definitely have less chance of him running into anything to do with retired, internationally wanted phantom thieves who were too frazzled with blood loss to be entirely coherent. But first, he marked a reminder to wipe the recording once he managed to guilt trip Kudou into buying him a deluxe sashimi set.

 

Omake 2

“Hey, Shin-chan?”

Turning another page of his novel, Shinichi did not look up.

“Hm?”

“Why were you being an EMT anyway?”

Expectantly, Kaito laid in his hospital bed, propped up by the numerous pillows that he had most likely swindled from the nurses, and munched on an apple slice. Shinichi was seated beside him in a rather comfortable chair, despite the fact that it should have been one of the plastic chairs that are used throughout the entire hospital – somehow, Kaito had managed to switch it out.

Marking the page, Shinichi turned to the magician; unsure how to go about his story.

“Ah. You see. Megure-keibu, well technically, the entirety of Division One struck a deal with me.” Kaito nodded, motioning for the sleuth to continue. “Ever since my return, I have dove head first into cases and it was already heavily wearing me out. So they demanded that I take a holiday. But of course, I refused.”

Kaito huffed, “Of course you did.”

“So after some… negotiations. We can to an agreement that I couldn’t do any detective work for a week, but I was free to do whatever else I wanted.”

“Wait a second,” Kaito began to munch on another apple slice. “So you decided that since you couldn’t be a detective nerd for a week, you could be a volunteer EMT for a week?”

Shinichi blushed, “Well. It was that or being a possible stripper of sorts.”

“Strip-?!” Kaito began to choke on his fruit.

“Oi!”

**Author's Note:**

> Anyway, I hope y'all like it!!! It's been a while since I posted so hopefully I haven't lost my touch.  
> I remember reading this AU/prompt a while ago in a P5 fic. Good stuff bruh.  
> \-----------------------------------  
> oof im too tired to keep going so im going to knock out now  
> im going to rock me to sleep with fukujun's voice ayeeeee  
> ill probs have a ton more regrets when i wake up  
> byeeeeee  
> \-----------------------------------  
> Leave a Kudou (or a Kuroba - I'm not picky) if you liked it.  
> Comments are greatly appreciated as well :)


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